Pampered

I was so excited to take my first trip to Hawaii. I was going to propose to my girlfriend in super stud fashion, on a beach at sunset in Hawaii. Winner, winner chicken dinner. We were going with my parents, my grandmother and my sister. Thanks to AP, I was reminded of the memorable experience of flying there, so I will share.

As you all know, I love food. I had gone no carb for the month leading up to the trip to work on my girlish figure and look halfway tolerable, although beit still ass white in my board shorts. The plan though was to do some serious gastrointestinal damage once the trip began, starting with the strange near fetish but definite obsession that I have w airport food court food. It didnt even matter to me that our flight left at 5 a.m., I was ready to do work. I had dreamed for the two weeks leading up to the trip, not of paradise or my impending engagement, but of my traveling meal plan.

I hit a speed bump early as Cleveland Hopkins has zero to weak food choices at best at such an early hour. No worries, O' Hare was only an hour away and though I had never flown through there before, I had to believe that I would be pleased w the plethora of yumminess ahead. I was not disappointed, there were tons of options. My facial expression probably mirrored that of Charlie, Grandpa Joe, Mike Teevee and Veruca Salt seeing the inside of the factory for the first time. I did a little window shopping, but in my stomach of stomachs I knew there was only one endgame. Manchu Wok(is it bad I still remember the name?)get ready.

We had a little bit of a layover, which was perfect because M.W. didnt open until 7. It was going to cut it close to when we had to board, but I would not be denied, I've been waiting a month for this, and there will be other flights.

With my three item combo and what had to be a gallon of Diet Coke in hand, we boarded our plane. I patiently waited until we were at cruising altitude to dig in as we still had about three hours left until we arrived at LAX. Grub time. I started in and it was everything I had hoped for. After a couple of bites, I had to wash down this goodness so I tipped my drink and took a long sip. What I didnt realize was that the lid wasnt on tight and the whole time I was sipping, I was pouring DC all over my white tee and shorts. Sweet. I was now going to be cold, soaked and look like I pissed myself for the rest of the day as we had no carry on clothes. Fuck Yeah! This really took it down a notch.

We got to LA and I immediately ran to the store to buy the worst shirt I could find. I bought a smedium LAPD Serve and Protect shirt that I still giggle about out loud. I then went into the bathroom, tried to clean up a little and re-robed. Theres no hiding the DC crotch soak though, so with that and my tiny shirt going for me, I looked like a creepo that shouldnt be left alone or near children. Time to board!

Getting to our seats, normalcy again was restored. Shei had the window, I was in the middle and there was an about 15 year old in the aisle seat. He was with The Brady Bunch I think because the row in front of us were his parents and a sibling and the row behind us were three siblings as well, we were surrounded. I took a little nap and when I awoke it was time to break out the entertainment. I brought along a portable DVD player and was beginning to watch Kill Bill when I noticed the kid doing the sneaky peek over to catch a glimpse. I had earphones on so he couldnt hear but it was kind of uncomfortable, as I didnt know if he should be watching it.

I started turning the DVD player to take away his angle until finally I had to just tell him to stop watching which drew a sharp elbow from my future bride. His parents kind of acknowledged the situation but I looked serious, especially w my sweet outfit which they didnt want any part of, so no drama. I still had 4 hours next to this kid who at the very least now thinks I'm the biggest douchebag alive.

It gets better. After the movie was over, I started going through the Skymall magazine to help pass the time. Shei noticed a three or four page section devoted to "The Pampered Chef" and knows I get excited about kitcheny things so we started discussing their products. I had seen some of their stuff before and know it's not the best quality, and in typical Cizz fashion begin to almost angrily verbally shred the brand. "Look at this shit, Dollar Store quality at Williams-Sonoma prices, way overpriced for this garbage, I wouldn't use this shit for free, let alone pay for it" on and on and on with only maybe half of an inside voice to the point where Shei was like, "ok, I get it, no Pampered Chef gift card for you for Christmas" and we continued through the pages.

We finally landed in Hawaii and were ready to officially start the vacation. As the "fasten seat belt" light went off and everyone started to scurry, I noticed but tried not to look at the kid's parents glaring at me. I thought it was because I got at their son a little bit, and I felt bad so I was ready to muster up an apology when Sheila nudged me and tried not to burst out in laughter. Thats when I noticed very prominent "Pampered Chef" logos on Carol and Mike Brady's polo shirts. Talk about an uncomfortable Larry David moment. We had no where to go as the door of the plane was still minutes from opening so we just stood there awkwardly and held in laughter. I had verbally bashed this company for a good part of 7 minutes and unbeknownst to me, the President of pampered chef was sitting in front of me w her husband and family, all to hear the whole thing. My bad.

I know she was the president because when we got off of the plane, their driver held a sign saying "Mrs. Blank, President of Pampered Chef". They were there for the Pampered Chef annual awards conference. Yikes.

I don't know how many, if any other Pampered Chef employees were on the plane, but I think enough damage was done. We had an amazing 7 days in paradise and I came home w a fiance
and a great story.